Today's theme is...

Lack of sleep. Need to be counting the wooly extras of Emmerdale to help get me snoring. Or, do that great British pastime, of singing the title of the tv show along to it's theme. "Emmerdale, farm, is now just called Emmer-der-dale..." Works better for some than others, admittedly.The Sweeney is for beginners, You're up to level 5, and past the bosses, when you can do Crossroads. Ahhh, teatime memories.

What? The meisterwerks that are the themes from 'Dale and 'Sroads no nothing for you? Not even a queasy shifting in the stomach and the memory of the smell of fishfingers? (That's what I get, for some reason.) Shame!

That's something I would make a law/national pastime out of, clubbing to death people who unnecessarily shorten the names of things to sound hip. "I never miss Corrie or Dale, and Trish in the day, cos I think the Beeb are too depress with Stenders and Cazh." (Cue sound of £22.60's worth of 2 pence coins, in a rugby sock hitting twat around the head. Note. sock is in the back of a Land Rover while this happens. Ohhh, tread marks!)

Well, my sleep pattern resembles something a chimp with a Spirograph would produce after half a bottle of Baileys, my dreams are intensely intense, yet boring, and I need to go and have a coffe every 15 minutes. But this is not booze or balti related. Stayed in with the ironing last night.

I envy those with the Sunday morning afterburn, Do you have balti finger, the medically recognised condition when you can smell last night's bhuna on your index finger and, in advance cases, your fingers resemble those of a lifelong 60 a day Woodbine fanatic? No, well get back out there! Fame costs, and this is where you start paying! Fame! I'm gonna live forever, I'm gonna learn how to fly, high! Hey, Leroy! You look like a girl in your legwarmers! Cue 6 minute dance number on judging by appearances. Ironic, don't you think, that of the cast of Fame, I can only think of one of the cast that did anything, of merit, afterwards. Did you ever watch that, or have I just been rambling again. And did I just think that or am I typing out loud again?

Time for caffeine.